Tuesday, September 13, 2011

how extreme is it?

Extreme breathing? Extreme couponing? Extreme commuting? That’s for pussies! You don’t know extreme until you’ve chugged 25 Big Gulps to wash down three dozen Krispy Kremes capped off with 10 or 12 Slim Jims simultaneously inhaled with 20 or 24 Pixie Stix! How convenient is it? It’s an adrenaline rush just getting a Slurpee! Starbucks? HA! The coffee here has more caffeine per ounce than jet fuel! I mean, it makes NO SENSE! It's so convenient, you'll never need coffee again! You have to scream when you speak to the cashier! He'll be screaming, too! You’ll lose 10 years off your life! Your hair will turn white! Oh, my god, the burritos!!! It’s like dropping 24,000 feet a minute into a toxic swamp full of mutant crocodiles...AND mutant man-eating piranhas...AND mutant anacondas! Also a mutant crocapiraconda from the genetic experiments they've been conducting at the sugar factory up the road! You have to base-jump with a snowboard off the canopy through fire to pump your gas! 

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